What does it say about America’s grand cultural decline when big political forget-me-nots want to develop applications, just like their grandkids do? Former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, 83, has developed a mobile app. Honest to God! It’s all over the interwebs. What are the chances there could be another Donald Rumsfeld, who is younger and develops apps for a living, thus making bloggers and Facebook Fraappers wrong? Nah.

Churchill Solitaire is available right now, for iOS, if you’re lucky enough to use iPhone, as does the former Secretary. The non-Android smartphone makes him feel safe because Apple CEO Tim Cook gave the “no-encryption-backdoor-for-you” middle finger to the U.S. government and Mr. Rumsfeld’s former employer.  The app is described as “the most diabolical version of solitaire ever devised”,  And the former Secretary of Defense is responsible? Boo hoo, Waterloo!