My father and I weren’t distant, but we weren’t exactly close either—mainly because our characters were markedly different. I wasn’t the son he had wanted, and Dad didn’t get another. I am eldest of four siblings (three sisters).
Stated succinctly: We shared almost no interests in common, and our dispositions were lightyears apart. I am fairly easygoing, while he was one of the most controlling persons I have ever met—oh, gosh, but not in a brutal, cruel way like parents who beat their kids or spouses. He was simply demanding of everyone, but, to reiterate, not violent by any means. That said, mom divorced him when I was 13, and his departure was a relief.
Not that you could guess any of that from the Featured Image. Eighteen-year-old Dad holds little me sometime in 1959. Location: Unknown. Photographer: No clue.
Dad died on April 16, 2024—40 days after going home to do so. The hospital doctor predicted four days; my father took 10 times that. Hehe, he was controlling to the end. You got to laugh at that. The extra days allowed time to mend relationships. As I understand, he sorted out the last entanglement about 40 hours before dying, in a meeting where two men share apologies and clasp arms in solidarity.
During those extra weeks, Dad freed up the knots of his life—that mattered to him. But he left behind a loose end: Disposition of the family farm. Well, the place is disposed—no, scratch that—dispossessed. No one in the family inherits the homestead purchased by my great-grandfather in 1895. Well, look at that. The old man isn’t in the ground yet, and still he controls things. How funny is that?
Update, April 25, 2024: Whoa, he was even more controlling than even I imagined. I learned from my sister today that our father decided not to leave the process of inheritance to the whiles of probate. During his final days, he contacted a lawyer and turned over his portion of the farm (three-quarters) to the pastors.
He started out with one-quarter, by the way, and convinced his sisters, both living, to surrender their shares. I can only guess what my aunts feel about this development. That is, if they even know.