The Benefits of Living the COVID California Crackdown

Thanks to Governor Gavin “Gruesome” Newsom’s dictates demanding that citizens stay home, California is now a fine freeloading paradise where taking responsibility for anything is a crime. But that’s okay, because his do-nothing principle is assured to protect us—locked inside our own living-in-paradise prisons—from SARS-CoV-2 (severe acute respiratory syndrome Coronavirus 2), also known as COVID-19.

I have heard some commenters refer to the Gov as Newssolini, but anyone with more than two functioning neurons should see such insinuation insults the dictator. (Say, Mr. Mussolini, how’s the temperature in Hell these days?)

Let’s take a look at some of the great benefits for the fine folks fortunate enough to live in COVID California—and, honestly, other Americans, you should be so lucky:

1. You don’t need an education (closed schools).

2. You don’t need a job (closed businesses, too).

3. You don’t need a mortgage (high home prices).

4. You don’t need to pay rent (eviction prohibitions).

5. You don’t need exercise to lose weight (food shortages).

6. You don’t need to walk the dog at night (10 p.m.-to-5 a.m. curfew).

7. You won’t have to worry about facial sunburns (mandatory masks).

8. You won’t get arrested (defund and disarm the police programs).

9. You can make new criminal friends without going to jail (COVID-19 prisoner release directives).

10. You can develop empathy for filthy homeless people (coin shortage affecting laundromats).

11. You can feel proud about supporting state COVID-19 charity operations (homeless hotels).

12. You can feed your drug habit and make new friends at one of San Francisco’s homeless hotels (free lodging, alcohol, and pot).

13. You can instead drive to the local recreational pot store and buy mind-dumbing crazy cannabis concoctions (“essential business”).

14. You can experience what life was like in Nazi Germany or Communist countries where identity “papers” were required to move about (non-essential travel ban).

Do you see why California is such a great place to live?


The Featured Image shows the Wells Fargo branch in Hillcrest that closed following Newsom’s first shutdown order and has yet to reopen nearly nine months later. I used iPhone XS for the shot, which vitals are: f/1.8, ISO 25, 1/722 sec, 26mm (film equivalent); 12:19 p.m. PDT, March 27, 2020.

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