Category: Oddlies

Apple by Joe WilcoxMar 21, 20163:20 pm

The Apple Event to Sleep For

Editor’s Note: I wrote this for Frak That!, where nothing should be taken seriously.

“The snoring was so loud, I couldn’t get any work done”, Maybell Lindsey says about the March 21st Apple Event that introduced nothing. She is among a handful of litigants planning to sue the company for failing to fulfill its longstanding obligation to wow watchers with exciting new products—or, in the parlance of deceased cofounder Steve Jobs, present “one more thing”. “One less thing, actually and a lot of `em”, Lindsey heckles.

Litigants largely fall into two categories: 1) Those suffering emotional trauma for being denied the “got to have it now” exhilaration that makes the product launches must-see events. 2) Those tormented by snoring coworkers lulled to lala land by the oppressive focus on energy efficiency and recycled product packaging rather than earth-shaking new tech.

Politics by Joe WilcoxJan 16, 20162:48 pm

Bernie Sanders DMCA burns Wikipedia

I have a whopping “WTF?” headache this fine Saturday over a Wikipedia report that the Bernie Sanders campaign filed a DMCA (Digital Millennium Copyright Act) request demanding removal of the Presidential hopeful’s logos. Seriously? From an encyclopedia? If this is the future under so-called Democratic Socialism, run for cover. The Police State pounds the door! He talks the good talk—gentile Uncle promising freedom for all—but I look where he walks, and that’s with a club beating baby seals of free speech. Yikes!

I am decidedly non-partisan, meaning: All politicians are fair game for our bow and arrows to shoot and Bowie knife to gut. (Got a taxidermist on contract to stuff them, too!) The Donald is easy prey, but I never expected Bernie to gloriously trump Trump! The take-down notice’s absurdity outdoes the proposed Wall protecting Americans from Mexicans south and Canadians north.

Society by Joe WilcoxJan 15, 20169:48 pm

Seriously, Wikipedia?

I would like to wish Wikipedia happy birthday, but wonder what the Hell this photo has to do with free, curated, online information? The pic appears in a blog post self-celebrating the site’s 15th year of operation. What do I miss here? Is the encyclopedia into printing books for distribution to schoolkids? Perhaps use is backhanded commentary, suggesting these tykes would be smarter if only they had access to “free knowledge”.

Maybe the pic is subliminal, instead, and the purest form of propaganda fundraising. To celebrate the birthday, Wikipedia launches an “endowment”, with goal of raising $100 million over 10 years. What’s more stereotypical than using cute kids of color to pull the heart strings to open wallets. For others, donations will be guilt-giving.

Society by Joe WilcoxDec 19, 201510:15 am

My New Friend

The 2015 holiday Android Collectible is Bingle Bear. U.S. Postal Service delivered him about 40 hours ago—in two days, despite the holiday rush, and shipped immediately, too. Thank you Andrew Bell and Dead Zebra. His […]

Apple by Joe WilcoxNov 26, 201511:04 am

Google, Give Thanks!

Another Thanksgiving is upon us, as Americans stuff their bellies with turkey and vittles, before falling asleep during the afternoon football game. It’s the day of family feuds, too much food, and setting the mood for the holiday season ahead.

We also count our blessings and give thanks for the year behind. I got to wondering what Google can be grateful for and compiled a short list for you. Perhaps you would like to add to it in comments or lash out at my lack of sensitivity on this special day. Please do. With that brief introduction, I present 5 things for which Google can give thanks, served in no particular order of importance.

Living by Joe WilcoxNov 23, 20155:13 pm

The ‘Cesarean is Safer’ Lie

So I’m sitting at McDonald’s with my 93 year-old father-in-law, who likes to eat from the all-day breakfast menu for lunch. Behind him, across the aisle, sit three elderly gents who don’t look to be quite as old but nevertheless it’s a 70-plus group. They gather daily apparently.

One man announces that he can’t make lunch tomorrow. “My daughter is having a baby”. When, another geezer asks. “At 9:30 in the morning” is the answer. “How do you know?” I could answer that one, and the reason why. I lean forward and listen with greater focus. “She’s having a Cesarean”, the man answers. What he says next chills my bones and inflames my anger: The doctor says that the procedure is “safer” than natural childbirth.

Living by Joe WilcoxNov 13, 201510:57 pm

A Lesson in Perception

So I’m driving down my street behind this white pickup truck going unusually slow before speeding up then hitting the brakes. Repeatedly. My frustration mounts. But at one-cross street, I finally see around. There is a sedan in the lead, driving in obviously taunting manner. The scenario is obvious: Pickup truck tail-gated, and the other drive retaliates. His vehicle moves along, the truck moves in closer, and he slows down. I’ve seen this kind of thing before.

All the while, I can see from arm waving in the cab that the pickup driver grows increasing angry. Road rage in front turns into retaliation rage behind, I trail both vehicles. Finally, after a few more abrupt slowdowns, the sedan comes to a four-way stoplight, where the truck roars left around, cutting in front of the car and making an illegal right on red. When the light turns green, the four-door pulls up behind the white two-door. Now aggressions are reversed.

Google by Joe WilcoxAug 12, 20156:12 pm

When Google Goes Down On You

Two days after Google created Alphabet as the primary company, under which the search engine operation is now a subsidiary, Urban Dictionary has a little fun. Word of the Day is “alphabet“, and I will […]

Apple by Joe WilcoxJul 30, 201511:15 am

This is How the Economist Looks on My iPad Air 2

Do you see anything missing? Nothing essential other than most of the content per page. At times like these my paranoia meter rises and I resist, often with difficulty, giving in to conspiracy theories.

This problem started with installation of iOS 9 Beta (second now). The operating system makes changes to the Newsstand, which future role is questionable. Apple is prepping a new Flipboard-like News app and content deals with it. I always wonder who exerts pressure on whom during the licensing negotiations process.

Living by Joe WilcoxJun 24, 201511:03 pm

Don’t Go There

While sitting with my 93 year-old father-in-law outside the Starbucks in San Diego’s Hillcrest district, I observed a directional sign for two shops, today. Then I read them as a sentence and laughed. Okay, you—think like an imaginative kid and not a stuck-up-the-butt literal adult: Ignore the K. It’s funny, yes?

Strangely, I came to live the sign not long later. As we walked into Trader Joe’s, a neighbor said hello on her way inside. I politely introduced my father-n-law, then she started on about the Neighborhood Watch group that she recently organized. The first meeting went well, but she wasn’t sure how to contact me. That’s when I blew her holy smoke up her arse.

Music by Joe WilcoxJun 18, 201510:30 am

Hey, Tidal, ‘Sprechen Sie Deutsch?’

While writing a scathing commentary about Apple’s reported policy of stiffing artists for the first three months of its music service (play for no pay), I use Tidal. The streamer’s so-called HiFi music is best […]

Apple by Joe WilcoxApr 27, 20157:10 pm

Shattered Dreams: When Apple Watch Falls From the Wrist

Saturday afternoon, new Apple Watch owner Ken Lecomte posted a frightening photo to Google+: His device with shattered screen. The spider-spray pattern is eerily familiar—one seen so many times—like an iPhone clumsily dropped to floor or pavement. The fruit-logo company boasts about the gadget being a wrist computer, but should it be as easily breakable as the other that customers carry?

I contacted him yesterday, and he shared his story, providing photos that also authenticate him as the watch’s owner. The problem with Ken’s story isn’t truthfulness but lies spun around it. Fanboyism is a cancer that spreads across any tale like his. Already, accusers flame his original post and others resharing it. Apple defenders are venomous. “I’ve been amazed with the amount of negativity”, he says. “It seems a lot of people just can’t believe that Apple could make a product that could break or have a design problem”.

Meanwhile, Apple critics call for label strapgate; there have been too many “gates” already. We don’t need another caustic moniker. In this toxic climate, legitimately aggrieved customers cannot easily step forward. The focus should be the device and whether there is a design flaw or owner error.